Deck the Strahl: A FFXII Holiday Special
by BalthierFan6828
Summary: Balthier attempts to explain the meaning of Christmas to Basch. NO Pairings. Not meant to be a serious fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to my newest fic, "Deck the Strahl: A FFXII Holiday Special. I do not own FFXII or its characters in any shape, form, or fashion. This fic is rate T for cursing. Keep in mind that this is not supposed to be a serious fic, but a humorous little Christmas FFXII story, where people are not meant to be perfectly in character. Also, Life Day is not my concept either. I took it from the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special, which I encourage you all to look up and watch on Youtube because it is insane. Basically, Life Day is Wookie Christmas, and I kinda thought of Fran and Chewbacca's equal, with Balthier being Han Solo. Please Review.**

**Deck the Strahl: A FFXII Holiday Special**

It was Christmas Eve, and everyone aboard the Strahl was bustling around hanging mistletoe and decorating the tree. Everyone _except_for Basch that is, who was sulking nearby, maintaining that Christmas was for children and that they had much more important things to be doing to be wasting such time with something so very silly. It had been bad enough that Ashe had dragged him out that morning and forced him to buy Christmas presents for everyone, claiming it would ruin the fun if he didn't participate, and then had forced him to spend the better part of an hour in his room attempting to wrap them. It irritated him to see how childish everyone was acting, he'd even seen Balthier and Ashe, who normally couldn't say two words to each other without fighting, baking sugar cookies together that afternoon, laughing like idiots as they playfully dusted each other with flour. Even Fran, whom had just returned that very afternoon from celebrating Life Day in the Eruyt Village, was humming "Silent Night" as she helped Vaan and Penelo string popcorn for the tree.

The ship smelled amazing since Balthier, who was a surprisingly good cook, had spent the better part of the past two days baking everything from cookies and pies, to ham and Christmas pudding. Basch was quite surprised by the pirate's actions of late, not only had he let Vaan and Penelo hang Christmas lights all over his ship, he insisted on constantly singing some ridiculous song about a snowman that came to life all thanks to, from what Basch could gather, was some type of magic helm given to him by children.

"Stop sulking and help me with the star Basch," Vaan piped gleefully, "I'm not tall enough!"

Basch sighed and picked the boy up so that he could place a badly made star (which was covered in what Basch could only imagine was tin foil) on top of the tree.

"Doesn't it look great!"

"Tell me again the point of having a tree covered shiny crap aboard the ship," he grumbled.

"Now, now Captain," chided Balthier, who had just entered the main room of the Strahl with yet another platter of freshly baked cookies, "Let's have a little Christmas spirit shall we?"

"I just don't get it," he complained.

Balthier sighed, "Alright children gather round'. It looks like someone needs to hear the story of Christmas."

Basch sighed as Balthier sat himself down in a big comfy chair, the others gathered around his feet expectantly as if they were but mere babes.

"Come now Captain," said Balthier as he picked up a large book off the table beside him, "This is for your benefit."

He felt like a complete ass, but he settled down cross legged in the floor beside Ashe and listened.

"A long time ago," began Balthier, "In the little town of Bethlehem, there was a pregnant virgin named Mary…"

"Where's Bethlehem?" asked Vaan as he shoved a candy cane shaped cookie into his mouth.

Balthier shrugged, "Somewhere off the Phon Coast I think."

Vaan nodded. Basch rolled his eyes.

"Anyway," continued the pirate, "Like I was saying there was a pregnant virgin named…"

"How could she be pregnant if she's a virgin?" Basch interrupted.

Balthier sighed, "Because it was a fucking Christmas miracle, now if you all will shut up for a second I'll tell you what happened."

The group fell silent, and after a moment Balthier began again, "Named Mary…and there was a star that told everybody where her kid was going to be born…"

"The star could talk?" asked Penelo cheerfully, "Wow that's amazing!"

"No Goddamnit!" snapped Balthier, "The star couldn't talk people just knew to follow it to find her and her kid."

"Oh."

"So her kid was born, and she named him Kris Kringle and when he grew up he decided that on his birthday he would deliver everybody presents…"

"No, you're telling it wrong Balthier," whined Ashe, "That's not the story I've heard."

"Ashe, please," snapped the pirate, "I know what I'm doing."

"No you don't you're making a mess out of the story!"

"Am not!"

"Are too! The baby's name was Rudolph, not Kris Kringle, and he didn't give presents to people he…um…"

"See your just making shit up now, why do you think they call it _Chris-tmas?_ After Kris Kringle," Balthier argued, crossing his arms as if he'd just proven something.

"You are both wrong," interrupted Fran, "Life Day, which you so wrongly call _Christmas,_ is the day the Viera celebrate the birth of the wood, and remember the gifts it has given us by giving gifts to others."

Balthier rolled his eyes, "Fran spare us the tree hugging shit, _Christmas _is about remembering those around you and honoring Mr. Kringle's tradition of buying people nice things."

"You all seem pretty worked up about a holiday that you have no idea what it is about," said Basch, smiling slightly.

The others all stared at him blankly for a moment.

"Goddamnit Basch!" snapped Balthier, "All you need to know is that Christmas is about buying people things and eating lots of fattening foods without feeling guilty. Ok? So just get in the fucking spirit already!"

Basch chuckled to himself, "I'll do my best."

Vaan put his arms around Penelo and Ashe, "God bless us! Everyone!"

Basch couldn't help but roll his eyes.

**Hope you enjoyed! Please Review! I may add to this, or I may not!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome to Chapter two of "Deck the Strahl: A FFXII Holiday Special". This fic is still rated T for cursing. A few notes before we begin: First of all I'm taking stuff from a lot of different sources that I don't own. These include the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special, South Park, Charlie Brown Christmas, The Grinch who Stole Christmas, and Spinal Tap. I also do not own FFXII or its characters. This is supposed to be insane and is for entertainment purposes only. Characters should not be expected to be in character whatsoever. I hope you enjoy it, and please review! It's polite!**

**Deck the Strahl: A FFXII Holiday Special**

**Chapter 2**

If the singing hadn't given Basch a headache, the overwhelming scent of cinnamon and nutmeg would have been enough. He had been given the tedious job of tying little red bows on the Christmas tree, while everyone else was bustling around the Strahl, getting ready for the Christmas party that Ashe had insisted on throwing the next night. Basch couldn't imagine who a princess in hiding, two orphans, a viera, a wanted sky pirate, and a supposedly dead knight would even invite to a Christmas shindig aboard the Strahl, but he'd seen Ashe send Nono out with a huge stack of invitations hours before. Even after Balthier's attempt to explain the big deal about Christmas to him, Basch was at a loss. Now was no time to be putting off their quest to help Ashe regain the throne, or to be advertising their whereabouts to a bunch of people just so Ashe could have a party.

"What did I say about Christmas spirit captain?"

Basch rolled his eyes at Balthier, who had entered the room with a bowl of ghastly looking red punch.

"I know, I know," he grumbled, "I'm trying."

Balthier smirked, "If you don't stop being a grump Santa Claus won't bring you any presents tonight."

Basch sighed, "What are you going on about now Balthier?"

Balthier stared at him in horror, "You…you don't know about Santa Claus?"

Basch stared at him blankly.

"Where the hell have you been Captain?" the pirate asked in shock, "Don't you know anything?"

"We'll I've been presumed dead and in prison for some time and before that I had a life," said Basch, crossing his arms.

Balthier rolled his eyes, "Are you saying I don't have a life?"

A smirk crossed the captain's lips, "I think your pie is burning Balthier."

"It's not a pie it's a pear tart," Balthier said smugly, but his expression fell when he too smelled something burning, "Goddamnit Basch," he cursed under his breath as he stalked away.

Basch couldn't help but smile.

Basch soon found that defeating a pack of wild malboros single handedly was an easier task than getting two orphans to bed on Christmas Eve. After enduring another one of Balthier's "Christmas stories" (this one was some strange and unlikely tale about a flying red-nosed chocobo who was shunned by normal chocobos and finally got attention by some Christmas guy by finding his way through a fog…or something like that anyway.) Ashe had announced that everyone should get to bed early since they had such a big day ahead of them. There was a lot of whining from Vaan and Penelo, who were finally herded off to bed and…creepily enough…tucked in by Fran and Balthier as if they were the children's parents instead of a sky pirate and his partner.

Upon his return to the Strahl's main room Balthier passed out mugs of eggnog to the "adults" which Basch found to be tasty, but quite stout. He was sure the pirate had probably tripled the amount of alcohol that the recipe called for. They sat up for an hour or so, listening to Ashe's insane party preparations and Balthier's strict "Christmas schedule" which required them to be up at six A.M. They piled the gifts they had bought under the tree, and Basch was grateful that Ashe had pretty much picked out all the gifts he had bought, so he knew the others would probably like them. It was past eleven when they headed off to bed.

It was nearly two hours later when Basch awoke to muffled sounds coming from the main room of the Strahl. He grabbed his golden axe from his bedside table and made his way down the hall, expecting to find some fiend aboard the ship. Sure enough, something was creeping around the Christmas tree. Whatever it was, it was a bright red color, with bits of white, and was carrying a large bag. Without hesitation he pounced, bringing the large creature to the ground.

"Take that you foul beast!" he cried as he got a left hook in on the creature's jaw.

"Basch! What the fuck are you doing?"

Basch's head snapped up in the direction of Balthier's voice, who was standing over him with a horrified look on his face, helping the red creature up from the floor, "You attacked Santa?"

Basch looked up, confused, only to notice that the "fiend" was not so much a fiend as an elderly gentleman with a white beard.

"I am SO sorry Mr. Claus," the pirate begged frantically, "You have to excuse Basch, he's new to Christmas."

The man, who now looked jolly and harmless, laughed a deep laugh, "Oh I'm aware that the captain is Christmas literate, now if you two will give me a hand unloading all your presents I'd much appreciate it."

Basch apologized to the old man, whom Balthier kept staring at as if he were standing in front of all the gods at once instead of just some old man, but he just shook his head and laughed again before leaving.

"I can't believe you attacked Santa!" Balthier said accusingly after the old man had left, "It'd serve you right if you got a lump of coal tomorrow!"

Basch shrugged, "You people are all crazy, this holiday is messed up."

"Hey! Don't talk bad about Christmas!"

"You do realize you're acting like a child right?" Basch asked with a raised eyebrow, "And are you seriously wearing pajamas with little snowmen on them?"

Balthier looked down at his pants and crossed his arms over his bare chest, "At least I'm in the spirit of things!" he grumbled before marching back to his room and slamming the door.

_To be continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! Merry Christmas!**


	3. Chapter 3

**And…we're back…In the midst of all the finals and holiday rush I finally found time to update this little holiday fic. Please remember that I am using a lot of little ideas from different things, including the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special, South Park, Charlie Brown Christmas, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas just to name a few. I am not claiming that any ideas used from these things are my own. I also do not own FFXII or its characters, and this fic is rated T for cursing. This is meant to be a funny fic and should not be taken seriously.**

**Deck the Strahl: A FFXII Holiday Special**

**Chapter 3**

Basch was awakened extremely early Christmas morning by Vaan, who rushed into the room and practically flung himself on the sleeping knight.

"Get up Basch!" he yelled, "Balthier says we can't open presents until you get up! Come on!"

The exhausted captain rolled over and pulled the covers over his head, "Go away Vaan, it's too early."

There was no stopping the boy, "Basch! Come on!" he whined, yanking the covers off and throwing them to the floor.

"Fine, fine," Basch grumbled, "I'm coming."

Everyone was waiting for them in the main room of the Strahl when they got there.

"Morning sleeping beauty," joked Balthier, sipping his coffee.

"It's 6:15 in the morning, I didn't sleep late."

Balthier smirked, "Yes, and I did say to be up by 6:00 so you did sleep late."

Basch rolled his eyes and said nothing. He sat down next to Fran in the neat little circle the others had positioned themselves in around the tree.

"How shall we do this? Perhaps one person at a time can pass out the gifts they bought?" asked Ashe.

Everyone nodded and Balthier agreed to go first. He passed out his very neatly wrapped pile of gifts, all of which were wrapped in shiny silver paper with big red bows. Basch opened the heavy gift warily, and was pleased to find that the pirate had bought him a shiny new broadsword. He hoped that the gift Ashe had picked out from him to Balthier was as nice as this was. Fran opted to go next. Basch tore open the paper and to his horror found the most hideous sweater he'd ever seen. It was a pale blue, strike that…it was_ baby blue,_ with a poufy chocobo stitched to the front.

"I knitted it myself," Fran told him proudly, "I thought maybe you could wear it to the party tonight."

Basch cringed inwardly, "It's…uh…it's very…nice."

He glanced up to see Balthier trying to suppress a laugh as he opened his own gift from the Viera, but his smile soon faded when he saw that he too was a victim of Fran's bad taste in knitwear.

They continued to pass around the gifts until the floor of the Strahl was littered with brightly colored paper and bows as well as an assortment of gifts that ranged from weapons to badly made sweaters. Ashe did not leave them much time to enjoy their new gifts before sending them off to get ready for the party. There was a lot to do, and so Balthier was off to the kitchen to cook while Basch, Fran, and the orphans were left to tidy up the ship.

Finally it was time for the guests to arrive. Basch and Balthier, both looking quite ridiculous in their new sweaters, were putting out the platters of tasty treats when the first knock came.

"Can you get that please?" called Ashe, who was taking forever to get dressed, "I'm not ready yet!"

Basch sighed and opened the door.

"Vayne? What the…"

"What?" asked Vayne, who, also wearing a bad Christmas sweater, was standing in the doorway of the Strahl, a store bought fruit cake in his hands, "It's Christmas Captain! We'll get back to trying to kill each other tomorrow."

Vayne strolled past the open mouthed Basch with a spring in his step, "Balthier! So good to see you!" he piped gleefully. Basch was sure he had to be dreaming when the pirate greeted their mutual enemy with a hug and a smile. He soon found out however, that apparently Christmas made everyone forget who they were, because an assortment of people soon came knocking that varied from Balthier's father, Dr. Cid to a slew of espers and his own twin brother. Yes everyone was there, from Imperial guards to the nomads of the Giza Plains.

"I'd like to make a toast!" called out Balthier, "To friends and enemies, and the one time of year we can all just get along!"

"To friends and enemies!" echoed the crowd.

And as Belias the Gigas played the piano, and everyone around him began to sing, Basch realized something. _Maybe Christmas_, he thought, _wasn't as crazy as he'd thought before_. _Maybe Christmas_, he thought, _means a little bit more_. And what happened then? Those on the Strahl might say…that Basch's heart grew three sizes that day.

Merry Christmas

**Hope you enjoyed. Merry Christmas guys!**


End file.
